Autumn

The summer is drawing to an end now, I have noticed something new in the air. People around me keep saying how they want summer to go on.
A year ago I wrote about autumn: ... my favourite season. Altough I love that crisp smell in the air, the changing colours, the hunt for mushrooms and blackberries and the naked feeling of entering a cold lake or sea, knowing it´s probably for the last time...it has a tendency to depress me a bit.

This year I feel an excitement in that cold smell in the air, and embrace the new season... soon mushrooms and blackberries will be picked and find their place in this tiny kitchen.

In am writing this evening. I have been looking at pictures of the Eiffel tower in Paris for inspiration. I think I am really onto something great. I will feel it linger in the room as I go to bed in a minute.

The levellers made this song called The battle of the bean field. Yesterday I seriously battled with my phobia of huge-slimy-orange-slugs whilts harvesting three different kinds of beans in the fields in Mölndal.

circus

Tonight I felt like running away with the circus.

I saw these women turning and twisting their bodies, hanging upside down in knots and they made it look like dancing.

Anything is possible I thought. I can go wherever I want to. I can do everything I dream of.

(except maybe hanging upside down in a knot but I dont really fancy doing that anyway.)

If you don't want some kind of revolution I can't dance with you

So I checked out this internet dating thing because it seems to be where people hang out these days. (and also because I have made a sport out of finding other things to do in front of the computer rather than work.)

It depressed me a bit, browsing through all these people looking for love.
They all like to cosy up at home and to have nice dinners, have a coffee in town or a beer with their friends. They go on weekend trips to Paris and wish they had more time to travel. They like to run and lift weights, and some of them own sail boats.
They are nice and have a positive outlook on life and a good sense of humour (and skelletons in their wardrobes for sure). And they are all looking for someone who is just the same. Is that what it is all about??

Where is the passion? Does no one want to change the world or make some hard-to-achieve dream come true?

(The author Sadie Smith once gave her advice on how to write a novel: Use a computer without internet connection.)

another place

Today I started bringing up things from the basement, and reluctantly unpackning some boxes. I also realised it's time to put the books back in the shelf. It's kind of depressing to wake up and stare at an empty shelf and a blank wall, and I need to be happy right now.

I still have the feeling that I am just passing through this place.

Practised breaking in the driving lesson today. Went better than starting. Ten days left til I have to know it all.

Lately...

... Ive been keeping myself busy. Head and mind still floating a bit but the summer is pressing itself into my awareness and Im finding it hard to ignore it's beauty, although Im struggling with things right now.

Like making time for all those things I need to do within the next two weeks, one of which is learing how to safely drive a car. Lets just say I am not quite there yet...

Good things lately:
sushi on my sisters balcony
finally dancing again at friskisåsvettis
finding a caraway plant
the first swim in the ocean, and the bike ride with paulina.
laughing and talking with sara today.
realising what a difference it makes to your heart to be around people who acknowledge that you are special to them.
joining two different farming co operatives, of which I will tell you more later on

Highpoint today: the funny youtubevideo that sara showed me/the asian cabbage mixed seeds
Mission: learn all the rules of driving, write article proposals, put the seeds ina box, recycle, do the washing up

Whats next?

Im trying to focus. Have a tendency to get stuck on things, like an idea, a person or an idea of a person. (Or a TV show.)

Right now my body has moved faster than my mind, which is still in a place far far away, involving trees, fields and ponies. I am pottering about, trying to do things while I am waiting for it to reach where I am now. There is so much to do in this place.

The home coming was glorious. My first day started with a walk, in which I discovered an amazing new community garden, basically in my back yard, where I was greeted by three tiny piglets with wet pink noses that have replaced the old and smelly pigs.

Then a friend came over to say hi and sit on my balcony and eat a cake that she brought. Then another friend came, and then a third one. They kept on coming until the whole thing turned into a delightful (although still slightly jet lagged) surprise pic nic and we had to move into the garden.

In case you worry - don't. The old pigs were moved to an apple orchard on the Hisingen island and will live a long and healthy life, and maybe have babies.

Mission: await the mind. Focus. Sort out pictures and start writing. Then have some fun at the street party.

I put up some bolivian flags above my window.

Im throwing

... a party.

In three weeks. I wonder if anyone can come. And I wonder if everyone can come, how will I fit them all into my apartment?

I wonder a lot of things. And I want a lot of things. Right now a glass of water, and to go and lie on the sofa and read for a little while.