Attitude

This one goes out to people who know how to change bad situations into good using their attitude. Like this morning when I did´t hear the alarm clock and woke up one and a half hours to late, biked as if my life was in danger (probably endangering it), missed the second bus anyway and screwed up the whole morning. Feeling like a complete failure I was then met at work by a photographer in a great mood, saying things like lugna puckar - no worries and now that the day started so bad it can only get better. See, attitude is really everything. Especially when it comes to people around you.

I might as well remember it cos its highly probable that I will be horribly late for something quite important some day again.

And you might as well remember it cos it's quite possible that it will happen to you too.

Or to anyone near you and then you will know that the best thing is to say Lugna puckar.

This summer is in ways very intense. Maybe a week ago I was about to cycle across a road in the night time, fast music in my ears and a good feeling in my stomach, when I found myself suddenly becoming cautious, reluctantly breaking in front of the pavement. Then I heard myself thinking Please don´t get run over by a car right now when you love life so much
Yesterday though, I really did almost get run over, but my body was to tired to pump around any adrenalin.

I found a store selling things-forgotten-on-the-train and was amased by what people once forgot. Bought a nice pink t-shirt I imagine was left by a girl with beach blond hair who likes surfing and who isn't afraid of sharks like I am. She would never think Please dont get eaten by a shark today - she would just chase the next wave.

Through to the other side.

Ok. So I admit it. It happened and I survived. Turned out the ground that I rested upon wasn't a house after all. I don't even think I am resting. I long to move, to reach for things, places, rythms and people to see them more clearly.

I didn't even cry when the keys were handed over to the quiet young man with the smile in the corner of his mouth. The shell of my past his future. Maybe some things are just to basic to grasp in one mind: like the passing of time, the passing of houses, the passing of people.

As for now I think I have a bit of a crush on the future.

to come: notes on the currently ongoing summer

small things

This is me and my friend sara watching the tiniest ducklings ever to be seen in the castle park of Göteborg, making their way through the water weeds and hunting mini mosquitos. There is something about small things that makes me want to take them in my palm and have them. A feeling that I have the right to, somehow.

We walked for nearly two hours and it rained on us and I felt a lot calmer afterwards.

Highpoint: the walk and the ducklings. finding a painting I made 14 years ago. saras flatmates cat relactantly letting me stroke it. the omelet that sara made. all the activities on the balcony.

Lowpoint: feeling restless and unsatisfied and worrying about the future.

Mission: a good nights sleep. Getting through the things I have in front of me this weekend and maybe do some dancing in between. Experience more magic moments.

skyes opening orange

Can´t really draw a picture of the perfectness of this day but here it is in points:

made breakfast, listening to Nat King Cole and pretending I was a B n B, while bobo kept sleeping.

Had breakfast with 3 good friends on balcony.

Wore new orange sweater.¨

Sun in the neck.

Saved someone from a giant wasp, without killing it.

Walk in the park and watched seals being fed fish.

Went to school and out again.

Walked with selma and Bike home.

Invited mum and katarina for apple pie on the balcony.

Discovered baby birds in one of the air shafts of the house.

Did laundry.

Then a sudden longing to be sucked into something otherworldy kicked in, for being enclosed in a dark, safe space, believing in vampires and the power of impossible love and in being able to fly.
Went out in the storm while the skies opened, wanting a feeling of exhaustion in my stomach or to find a world of magic and old times and dark hovering castles, roaring seas, good versus evil.

(Now I am sitting here with a movie about great white sharks threatening the entire human race. Or at least California.)

I messed up in the laundry today. I always do. First I lost the key to the drying room and then there was an angry note on it that said that it should have been emptied an hour ago: I had booked the wrong one. Luckily I found the key with the help of a friend. Angry neighbours freak me out though. I don’t get the thing with neighbours. Living next to and on top of and underneath people but never communicating with them, except through notes on drying room doors. It’s weird and a bit sad.

Had a nice talk with a lady by the seal pond this morning though. She thought it looked creepy that the seals were lying motionless at the bottom of the pond. I calmed her by assuring that they were just sleeping.

The older you get, the more of the things you pictured happening in your mind will happen.

Houses will be sold and people you never got to know will die. Possibilities will slip away. Maybe the possibility of reconicilliation, or of knowing the person you came from slightly better.

I had a note with the adress on it but no one lives there anymore and I keep thinking of how much his dog (whom I never met) must long for him, not knowing about death and how it means that people are gone forever.