A Skype conversation

[23:44:00] mary.hedman: eh...hello?
[23:45:25] soupjunkie: hello there! it is I and not Marge! I'm working away into the night with some tunes playing
[23:46:05] mary.hedman: sounds good...Im just off to bed - been struggling with the critique...
[23:46:43] soupjunkie: critique of?
[23:47:41] mary.hedman: oh, peeps working for an aid organisation, as media people'
[23:48:07] mary.hedman: hm, ure too slow...
[23:48:23] mary.hedman: Im going to bed - up early for more driving toimorrow
[23:48:34] soupjunkie: i find i have to wait till the other person finishes until i can answer
[23:48:46] soupjunkie: otherwise its in the middle of what they're saying
[23:49:00] soupjunkie: enjoy the driving! keep on the road and not in the snow
[23:49:02] mary.hedman: oh but isnt that what its like -
[23:49:08] mary.hedman: when ones talking?
[23:49:15] soupjunkie: yup
[23:49:24] soupjunkie: but its a strange
[23:49:25] soupjunkie: way
[23:49:26] soupjunkie: of
[23:49:28] mary.hedman: Oh I sucked today!
[23:49:28] soupjunkie: getting
[23:49:29] soupjunkie: a
[23:49:35] soupjunkie: conversation
[23:49:36] soupjunkie: going
[23:49:47] mary.hedman: I panicked every time I saw something coming at me-
[23:49:52] mary.hedman: no I dont agree
[23:50:01] mary.hedman: or something moving on the sidewalk
[23:50:14] mary.hedman: and forgot to keep in the middle of the road
[23:50:18] mary.hedman: and everything else...
[23:50:22] soupjunkie: ah
[23:50:32] soupjunkie: but learning is a frustrating process
[23:50:37] mary.hedman: yes...
[23:50:39] soupjunkie: you'll get it
[23:50:44] soupjunkie: like riding a bike
[23:50:48] soupjunkie: and you do that a lot
[23:50:53] soupjunkie: without thinking about it
[23:51:05] mary.hedman: Thing is, it feels dangerous. Ive never learnet anything that could get me killed in the process before!
[23:51:11] soupjunkie: well cycling
[23:51:22] soupjunkie: swimming....
[23:51:24] soupjunkie: with sharks
[23:51:26] mary.hedman: nope
[23:51:28] mary.hedman: nope
[23:51:29] soupjunkie: flying
[23:51:39] soupjunkie: cooking?
[23:51:40] mary.hedman: I dont know how to fly!
[23:51:43] soupjunkie: svamping
[23:51:50] soupjunkie: defo svamping
[23:51:51] mary.hedman: I just buy the ticket and go to the airport
[23:52:01] mary.hedman: haha
[23:52:12] soupjunkie: poetry?
[23:52:23] soupjunkie: somebody might not like the poem
[23:52:27] soupjunkie: thats dangerous

[23:52:29] mary.hedman: Driven over by a poem u mean?
[23:52:30] soupjunkie: especially in glasgow
[23:52:38] soupjunkie: could happen
[23:52:46] soupjunkie: there's a lot of angry peeople about
[23:53:04] mary.hedman: but there are no signs to write into or dogs to write over...
[23:53:22] soupjunkie: ah but surely the pen is mightier than the car?
[23:53:41] mary.hedman: I defo like the pen much better.
[23:53:49] soupjunkie: or the keybaord
[23:53:54] mary.hedman: but I think the car would win in a fight.
[23:54:00] soupjunkie: yup
[23:54:05] soupjunkie: right
[23:54:06] mary.hedman: unless the pen got stuck somewhere important in the engine...
[23:54:14] soupjunkie: or exploded the tyres
[23:54:22] soupjunkie: and stopped the car getting at the pen
[23:54:39] soupjunkie: or the ink exploded and the car skidded off course
[23:54:45] soupjunkie: pen wins
[23:54:51] mary.hedman: also it depends on what kind of pen you would use I suppose...
[23:54:59] soupjunkie: plus you could write rude things over the loser car
[23:55:03] soupjunkie: or scratch them
[23:55:16] soupjunkie: so driving a car is nothing compared to writing
[23:55:26] mary.hedman: But then the things I am inside the car and so I dont want it off course!
[23:55:43] mary.hedman: Ok, bedtime.
[23:55:53] soupjunkie: sleep and dream well my dear.
[23:56:00] mary.hedman: u to kram
[23:56:16] soupjunkie: i have an electric blanket and pj trousers now
[23:56:21] mary.hedman: great
[23:56:21] soupjunkie: glasgow in jan
[23:56:27] soupjunkie: kram kram
[23:56:46] mary.hedman: I have to get a hot water bottel nxt time in the uk...
[23:56:56] mary.hedman: bye, I mean
[23:56:57] soupjunkie: none in sweden?
[23:57:04] mary.hedman: no
[23:57:51] mary.hedman: yawn...
[23:57:52] soupjunkie: ok sorry bye bye night night don't let the bed bugs bite, if they do, do a poo and put it in a cornish stew - little sleeping rhyme i learnt as a child. kram
[23:58:04] mary.hedman: kram

ishoos

So how do one deal with ones issues once one´s got a clue what they are?

Any suggestions will be happily recieved.

(Dreaming of running away in a mini bus amidst palm trees and the sound of a surf. )

(Feeling like not enough.)

glasgow

Sometimes calmness is found in other places. This city is both known and unfamiliar to me. A restlessness has sunken down into the bottom of my stomach were it lies peaceful.

highpoint: falling asleep in the september sunshine under the strongest and most beautiful angel in the necropolis, on the hill where she sits overlooking the city.

everything unknown

Today I was hanging out with one of the smallest persons on this earth. She rocked.
Then all of a sudden I became aware of the fact that everyone walking by on the street had been that small, and how weird it is when u think about it. I was also thinking about how everything is unknown when you see it for the first time. Like a chair - to a baby it's not even a mystery, you just accept it as a fascinating part of a world that grows bigger everyday.

moving out...

Some days ago my sister and I spoke about comfort zones, and how they can be a safe enclosure. Then yesterday I found a book that was given to me almost ten years ago. In the front cover my friend agnes has written: "It says somewehere in this book that decisions should be made out of courage, not fear." And so I moved out of comfort zone to do just that.
Was it a good or a bad thing? Time will tell.

Highpoint: moving out of the comfort zone
Lowpoint: worrying about what it will or will not mean

I was going to tell you about some things I noticed lateley, but instead I will leave you with this video:

It is from the village Nuevo San Jose in Guatemala where I once met this girl named Katie. She took me into a hen house to show me how the birds sang in the dark.

Later that week I tried to climb a small montain to impress her, but fell down and scratched my arm instead. "Boys are show offs" she said as we watched a guy climb all the way up.

"Girls are too" I thought as I wiped the mud from my arms and legs.

About the now: tooth ache. Someone let the air out of my bike tires last saturday, and stole the basket. A tomato going red on the balcony. Writing cheesy things, mostly.

A sort of restlessness has crept up on me, a feeling of not being content, the intensity of the summer momentarily overshadowed. I think it´s the autumn, my favourite season. Altough I love that crisp smell in the air, the changing colours, the hunt for mushrooms and blackberries and the naked feeling of entering a cold lake or sea, knowing it´s probably for the last time...it has a tendency to depress me a bit.

Went around town aimlessly trying on clothes yesterday, not really knowing what I needed and not wanting to get anything that I don´t need. Got into that whole who am I really mood in front of all the mirrors. So many people you could be on the outside.

This is me some weeks ago, trying on a dress for almost twenty minutes. The cool thing about it that you probably don´t notice is that it has a pattern of tiny farmers on it.

(But I didnt get it. The time is yet to come when you will see me in a white fluffy dress.)